Monday, January 30, 2012

I Don't Dream, I Goal-ed.

To most of you out there who don't really know me, I'm a girl who loves music. I have a burning passion for music and performing. Music is my life. Music is the only thing that will make me happy in everything i do. Whenever my mood is down in the suburbs, or when i'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown, or when i'm already breaking down, music is the only thing that brings me back up and gets me back standing on my two feet. I play the piano and the violin. I only know a little of the guitar but other than that i'm pretty much a classic piano-violin girl. I like composing, and I sometimes TRY very hard to write my own lyrics to my songs too. Singing, is what i like to do the most. Be it opera singing or pop singing, I just love the feeling of my own voice belting out from my throat. NOTE: Am not boasting here. Just telling ya'll how i feel. So, yeah. Basically, piano and violin has been in my life since the time i know how to walk and am smart enough to eat by myself. But singing, singing came to my life ever since i was born. My mom used to buy for me loads of Barney, Sesame Street and Disney since i was born. And by the time i went to kindergarden, i started watching those mentioned above EVERY SINGLE DAY. Because i was obsessed with the whole colorful cartoons and cute little animals and magnificent lions and pretty princesses and handsome princes who can sing and dance and fall in love at the same time. Mainly though, i was obsessed with the songs.

Then, as i grew older, i started buying all those CDs where they are kid groups wearing cute little traditional chinese outfits singing traditional Chinese songs and making lots of actions, looking all cute and bubbly and cheerful and, as i grew older, EXTREMELY fake. LOL. But then, since I was still a kid, I became obsessed with the idea of singing songs and smiling and popping in out of the screen. That was when i started to try and sing for real. Which is when i realized i'm actually OK at it. I don't go out of tune, I'm not tone deaf, and my voice doesn't sound like a crow when i opened my mouth. But i wanted to do better than that. I want to be someone who really can sing the right way. Not just to sing like any normal person. So i went for vocal lessons. And got my first official taste of what they call now POP songs. In other words, songs in the modern genre. I learnt my first piece - 听海 by 张惠妹 and gradually got to learn more of them.

Some time later, i had my first official singing performance. I was frozen cold in my seat when my name was being called through the speakers. I went up to the stage with my legs literally TREMBLING. Like, literally. I had to grit my teeth and steel myself against the nervousness fluttering in my abdomen to keep myself from losing control of my legs. I gripped the microphone type, and recall what my vocal coach told me. Sing with your heart, not your techniques. So i did. I poured my soul into the song and belted my heart out. When i trailed off at the last note, I look at the audience. There was a moment of silence, and at that time i was thinking to myself how on earth did i got myself there, then there was an uproar and the whole hall was ringing with whoops and applause. The rest that happened, was history. I knew, from that moment, that preforming is what i want to do in the future. I love the feeling of performing for an audience, to convey my feelings thorugh a song to them, to move them to tears, to hear them calling me for more, to hear the ringing sound of applause, to see the standing ovations, to hear and feel them calling more for my music, my skills, my passion. From that moment, it was as clear as a bright blue sky.

I want to be a singer.

As an occupation. Not a hobby. But to do it for real. To record music, make music, and perform. From that moment when i had my first performance, i started training myself towards the life of a singer. A real singer who has many fans and also haters but is respected very well in the music industry. A pop singer is what i want to be. I took my music lessons seriously. I analyse the way every singer i hear sings. I started learning the way they compose songs. I took a lot of notice regarding the lyrics that was written. Then i tried to do those by myself. Then again, i realized, I'm actually quite good at it. Proven by loads of competitions, praises by friends and family.

So here am I, a girl who is 17 going on 18, trying to convince her own parents that being a singer is not just a dream, not just a hobby. It's who i want to be, what i want to do, and what i want to gamble my whole life on. I'm prepared to take any risks. I know it's not easy being one. Because I've done researches. I know that a singer's life is not a bed of roses. In fact, it's a bed of roses fill with thorns every where. But i believe that if there is a will, there is a way. I am convinced that as long as keep on reaching towards where i am headed to, i will be heading towards the right direction. Yes, maybe the road taken wouldn't make me happy always, but i am sure that as long as i steel myself against every obstacles, i can get through every wave of difficulty. I plan to take home a Grammy one day. Well, maybe not a Grammy, but definitely a big shot music award. But who knows what will happen in a few years time? Maybe I WILL bring back a Grammy. :D

As i said, I don't see this as a dream. I see this as my goal. And no matter what others say, i am determined to reach it. I know i can.

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