Oh wow look the moment i visit my blog i see ALL of them blogged about Valentine's. Maybe i should blog about that too. Only thing is. I really have nothing to blog about. Reasons why:
1. I don't like anybody.
2. Nobody likes me either.
3. I don't have a boyfriend.
4. I'm not dating anyone.
5. So technically, there's nothing really special to celebrate about.
Yup. Valentine's Valentine's Valentine's. I spent mine having lunch with my parents, and the rest with my piano teacher and my students. So much for Valentine's Day huh? Oh well. I've already tweeted about this but most of you probably don't know that I am at my lowest during Valentine's Day. Since. Oh let's see. Since the day I learnt about crushes and boys and love. Yup. And since the day i found out that I don't have one. So. Yay.
You know what's the worse thing about that day??? Seeing my Facebook wall and Twitter full of LOVE. Seeing all the pictures between my friends and their boyfriends. How they have their arms around each other. How some of them took a picture of them kissing and saying I Love You Dear in either English or Chinese. How some of them took a picture of their Valentine's presents. Some of them even confessed on Facebook. Oh. My. God. Um. Privacy much? LOL. It was sooo depressing until i had to stop going on it for some time to let it down. But eventually I can't stay away because as depressing as it is, curiousity kills the cat and, well, curiousity killed my whole staying-away-from-Facebook-because-its-full-of-lovey-dovey-stuffs depression.
Not only on Facebook, the moment i turned on the TV, they're also all about advertising Valentine's Day and running a whole marathon of love filled episodes. Gosh. The depression just can't stay away, can it? It's already bad enough that I don't have any Valentine and still have to deal with all those stuffs online, apparently all the television stations decided to torture me and give me a bad time too. Real smooth, Tiff, REAL smooth.
The second worse thing is, it's bad enough that I KNOW i don't have any, but EVERY SINGLE BODY i meet kept asking me stuffs like 'So where you going to celebrate Valentine?' 'Do you have a date today?' "No boyfriend? Aww.'. JEEZ PEOPLE WHAT"S YOUR PROBLEM THERE'S NO NEED TO COME ASKING ME STUFFS THAT ARE REALLY PERSONAL AND THUS KEEP REMINDING THAT I! AM! Single.
Gosh I hate Valentine's Day.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
I Don't Dream, I Goal-ed.
To most of you out there who don't really know me, I'm a girl who loves music. I have a burning passion for music and performing. Music is my life. Music is the only thing that will make me happy in everything i do. Whenever my mood is down in the suburbs, or when i'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown, or when i'm already breaking down, music is the only thing that brings me back up and gets me back standing on my two feet. I play the piano and the violin. I only know a little of the guitar but other than that i'm pretty much a classic piano-violin girl. I like composing, and I sometimes TRY very hard to write my own lyrics to my songs too. Singing, is what i like to do the most. Be it opera singing or pop singing, I just love the feeling of my own voice belting out from my throat. NOTE: Am not boasting here. Just telling ya'll how i feel. So, yeah. Basically, piano and violin has been in my life since the time i know how to walk and am smart enough to eat by myself. But singing, singing came to my life ever since i was born. My mom used to buy for me loads of Barney, Sesame Street and Disney since i was born. And by the time i went to kindergarden, i started watching those mentioned above EVERY SINGLE DAY. Because i was obsessed with the whole colorful cartoons and cute little animals and magnificent lions and pretty princesses and handsome princes who can sing and dance and fall in love at the same time. Mainly though, i was obsessed with the songs.
Then, as i grew older, i started buying all those CDs where they are kid groups wearing cute little traditional chinese outfits singing traditional Chinese songs and making lots of actions, looking all cute and bubbly and cheerful and, as i grew older, EXTREMELY fake. LOL. But then, since I was still a kid, I became obsessed with the idea of singing songs and smiling and popping in out of the screen. That was when i started to try and sing for real. Which is when i realized i'm actually OK at it. I don't go out of tune, I'm not tone deaf, and my voice doesn't sound like a crow when i opened my mouth. But i wanted to do better than that. I want to be someone who really can sing the right way. Not just to sing like any normal person. So i went for vocal lessons. And got my first official taste of what they call now POP songs. In other words, songs in the modern genre. I learnt my first piece - 听海 by 张惠妹 and gradually got to learn more of them.
Some time later, i had my first official singing performance. I was frozen cold in my seat when my name was being called through the speakers. I went up to the stage with my legs literally TREMBLING. Like, literally. I had to grit my teeth and steel myself against the nervousness fluttering in my abdomen to keep myself from losing control of my legs. I gripped the microphone type, and recall what my vocal coach told me. Sing with your heart, not your techniques. So i did. I poured my soul into the song and belted my heart out. When i trailed off at the last note, I look at the audience. There was a moment of silence, and at that time i was thinking to myself how on earth did i got myself there, then there was an uproar and the whole hall was ringing with whoops and applause. The rest that happened, was history. I knew, from that moment, that preforming is what i want to do in the future. I love the feeling of performing for an audience, to convey my feelings thorugh a song to them, to move them to tears, to hear them calling me for more, to hear the ringing sound of applause, to see the standing ovations, to hear and feel them calling more for my music, my skills, my passion. From that moment, it was as clear as a bright blue sky.
I want to be a singer.
As an occupation. Not a hobby. But to do it for real. To record music, make music, and perform. From that moment when i had my first performance, i started training myself towards the life of a singer. A real singer who has many fans and also haters but is respected very well in the music industry. A pop singer is what i want to be. I took my music lessons seriously. I analyse the way every singer i hear sings. I started learning the way they compose songs. I took a lot of notice regarding the lyrics that was written. Then i tried to do those by myself. Then again, i realized, I'm actually quite good at it. Proven by loads of competitions, praises by friends and family.
So here am I, a girl who is 17 going on 18, trying to convince her own parents that being a singer is not just a dream, not just a hobby. It's who i want to be, what i want to do, and what i want to gamble my whole life on. I'm prepared to take any risks. I know it's not easy being one. Because I've done researches. I know that a singer's life is not a bed of roses. In fact, it's a bed of roses fill with thorns every where. But i believe that if there is a will, there is a way. I am convinced that as long as keep on reaching towards where i am headed to, i will be heading towards the right direction. Yes, maybe the road taken wouldn't make me happy always, but i am sure that as long as i steel myself against every obstacles, i can get through every wave of difficulty. I plan to take home a Grammy one day. Well, maybe not a Grammy, but definitely a big shot music award. But who knows what will happen in a few years time? Maybe I WILL bring back a Grammy. :D
As i said, I don't see this as a dream. I see this as my goal. And no matter what others say, i am determined to reach it. I know i can.
Then, as i grew older, i started buying all those CDs where they are kid groups wearing cute little traditional chinese outfits singing traditional Chinese songs and making lots of actions, looking all cute and bubbly and cheerful and, as i grew older, EXTREMELY fake. LOL. But then, since I was still a kid, I became obsessed with the idea of singing songs and smiling and popping in out of the screen. That was when i started to try and sing for real. Which is when i realized i'm actually OK at it. I don't go out of tune, I'm not tone deaf, and my voice doesn't sound like a crow when i opened my mouth. But i wanted to do better than that. I want to be someone who really can sing the right way. Not just to sing like any normal person. So i went for vocal lessons. And got my first official taste of what they call now POP songs. In other words, songs in the modern genre. I learnt my first piece - 听海 by 张惠妹 and gradually got to learn more of them.
Some time later, i had my first official singing performance. I was frozen cold in my seat when my name was being called through the speakers. I went up to the stage with my legs literally TREMBLING. Like, literally. I had to grit my teeth and steel myself against the nervousness fluttering in my abdomen to keep myself from losing control of my legs. I gripped the microphone type, and recall what my vocal coach told me. Sing with your heart, not your techniques. So i did. I poured my soul into the song and belted my heart out. When i trailed off at the last note, I look at the audience. There was a moment of silence, and at that time i was thinking to myself how on earth did i got myself there, then there was an uproar and the whole hall was ringing with whoops and applause. The rest that happened, was history. I knew, from that moment, that preforming is what i want to do in the future. I love the feeling of performing for an audience, to convey my feelings thorugh a song to them, to move them to tears, to hear them calling me for more, to hear the ringing sound of applause, to see the standing ovations, to hear and feel them calling more for my music, my skills, my passion. From that moment, it was as clear as a bright blue sky.
I want to be a singer.
As an occupation. Not a hobby. But to do it for real. To record music, make music, and perform. From that moment when i had my first performance, i started training myself towards the life of a singer. A real singer who has many fans and also haters but is respected very well in the music industry. A pop singer is what i want to be. I took my music lessons seriously. I analyse the way every singer i hear sings. I started learning the way they compose songs. I took a lot of notice regarding the lyrics that was written. Then i tried to do those by myself. Then again, i realized, I'm actually quite good at it. Proven by loads of competitions, praises by friends and family.
So here am I, a girl who is 17 going on 18, trying to convince her own parents that being a singer is not just a dream, not just a hobby. It's who i want to be, what i want to do, and what i want to gamble my whole life on. I'm prepared to take any risks. I know it's not easy being one. Because I've done researches. I know that a singer's life is not a bed of roses. In fact, it's a bed of roses fill with thorns every where. But i believe that if there is a will, there is a way. I am convinced that as long as keep on reaching towards where i am headed to, i will be heading towards the right direction. Yes, maybe the road taken wouldn't make me happy always, but i am sure that as long as i steel myself against every obstacles, i can get through every wave of difficulty. I plan to take home a Grammy one day. Well, maybe not a Grammy, but definitely a big shot music award. But who knows what will happen in a few years time? Maybe I WILL bring back a Grammy. :D
As i said, I don't see this as a dream. I see this as my goal. And no matter what others say, i am determined to reach it. I know i can.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
BORED.
You know what? To ALL MY JUNIORS OUT THERE, do not think that the post SPM period is fun. It may be fun if you are listed in National Service or plan to go college and university or whatever god forsaken course there is out that or if you are working part time or if you're rich enough to go on a loonngg holiday till SPM results comes out.
BUT IT IS DEFINITELY NOT FUN IF YOU'RE AS POOR AS A MICE SO THERE IS NO HOLIDAY FOR YOU AND NOT WORKING A PART TIME JOB WHICH REQUIRES YOU TO GO TO WORK EVERYDAY AND NOT LISTED IN NATIONAL SERVICE AND NOT GOING TO COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. Juz wanna do something to relinquish my boredom. Am signing off now. Bye.
BUT IT IS DEFINITELY NOT FUN IF YOU'RE AS POOR AS A MICE SO THERE IS NO HOLIDAY FOR YOU AND NOT WORKING A PART TIME JOB WHICH REQUIRES YOU TO GO TO WORK EVERYDAY AND NOT LISTED IN NATIONAL SERVICE AND NOT GOING TO COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. Juz wanna do something to relinquish my boredom. Am signing off now. Bye.
Friday, December 23, 2011
I weight 55 Kg and I'm proud of it. ^^
You know, sometimes i just simply do not understand why in the world do people have something against those who are plump, overweight, fat, obese or basically just do not look thin.
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
Seriously, people, what the heck do you have against us? I'm speaking for all the mentioned above out there. It's not like we want or asked to be like that. We were just born this way. So what if i was not born with a naturally skinny butt or tiny waist or slender body or long legs or slim arms? So what if i was not born with a size 0 or size 2 body? So what if i'm all flesh and not bones? I still can eat, i still can talk, i still can communicate, i still can think, and i still can do pretty much what the heck i want to do. I don't even know or talk to any of you and you me but all it takes is just one look at my outer appearance and it gives you right to judge me that i'm not pretty or good in my own way.
Hell no.
You have no right to do that. You have no right to do that because you don't know how we feel in the inside. You don't know how we pull through all these years, putting up with sniggering looks and smarting remarks thrown at us from time to time. You don't know how it feels when we hear people commenting all the time at our bodies and hearing them making fun of us, calling us names all the time and dismissing us without a single thought when it comes to topics about girlfriends or boyfriends. You don't know how awful we feel about ourselves when we see girls or guys who have bodies to kill for walk past us. You don't know how hard it is to deal in the inside when we go shopping and try on clothes who are obviously not fit for sizes like us, to try a dress or singlet one or two sizes too small and had to summon up the courage to ask the assistant for a bigger size, to have the tempting urge to try on M or S just to convince ourselves that maybe, just maybe, we've slimmed down unknowingly, but then to realize that those are just dreams and we had to call out for our friends or the shop assistant to get an L or XL. You don't know how left out we are when we hang out with friends who are slim, fit, and tall. You don't know how outrageously low our self-esteem is when we see the opposite sex casting admiring glances at your friends and throwing you just one look of disgust or 'whatever' look at you then turn away.
You don't know how we feel, because you have no need to experience it.
So all i'm saying is, don't look down on your noses at us. Because if you do, you'll make us feel like misfits. And misfits is exactly what we don't wanna be. All we want is to feel welcome and belonged within the society. All we want is to be think of as attractive and handsome and pretty because of who we are, not be branded as a 'nobody' just because we are, simply in one word, FAT. We're trying to, you know, we're sure the hell trying as hard as we can, as far as our determination and perseverance can take us. But you can't expect us to transform ourselves overnight. It's not our fault that our metabolism rate is low. It's not our fault that we were born with a heavier weight or big thighs and arms or thick neck and a round belly. Blame it on the genes and cells and whatever little chemical what-nots inside our body. But never on us.
I, for one, am a girl on the plump and curvy side. And even though I'll often feel all the mentioned above, i sometimes think that if i keep on torturing myself like that, it wouldn't make my life any easier and then i'll be making myself miserable, wouldn't i? So i am now CURRENTLY in the loving myself mode, and i am not afraid to share this little bit out with you guys.
I now currently weight 55 Kg and am quite please with it. I used to weight 52 during my school days but what the hell it's now Christmas hols and i'll be a total party pooper if i restrict myself to yummy food, lots of them. You'll be CRAZY if you don't eat and put on weight during Christmas hols. By the time Christmas hols are over, you can do whatever you want to lose weight, as long as it doesn't resort to you dieting excessively until you have aneroxia or bulimia or faint due to lack of nutrients. Which is what i'm planning to do. =)
So once again, it is now the Christmas hols. I currently weight 55 Kg, and i'm proud of it. ^^
Monday, December 19, 2011
National Service??? Nah I'm not going. =P
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you tell people you're 17?
"Oh I'm Form 5 this year."
"Really? That means you'll be sitting for SPM this year. Study hard and good luck in your examinations."
Right? First thing that comes to mind when you tell people you're 17, it'll be SPM.
Ok then what about the second thing?
"Ah. 17? Means you'll be going for National Service next year."
Around August or September, there were rumours flying around that the official list for National Service is out. Me, using a really calm expression but when in reality there was an ice cold feeling in my heart and alarm bells ringing warningly inside my head, went CRAZY trying to find out if i was listed. After so many heart alarming moments where I have to wait to break inside the stupid official website which is soooooo jam due to the current situation, i found out that I WAS NOT LISTED.
YAY! I AM NOT LISTED! I DON'T HAVE TO GO!!!
Haha. You can't imagine my relieved feeling after I saw the MINTA MAAF message. It's like a huge boulder has been lifted off my shoulders and rays of sunlight shone and melted my ice freeze-ed heart. Okay that was a bad description. But you get my idea, right? I mean, if i really WAS LISTED, which I am not, might i add again, I'll go. But of course, I could always hope to get not listed right?
Anyway, the point is, i am not listed but my friends are. So yesterday I went out with my friends who were listed for a sort of farewell outing. It was super fun and I enjoyed every moment of it. We had a CRAZY karaoke session where i mumbled along with my friends during the Mandarin songs when i dun even know the tune. And when they passed the microphone to me, I sang and stopped every single time i come across a character i dunno, or i'll just mumble again and kinda, glide through that particular character. Which, in turn, caused them to roar with laughter. XDD MY CHINESE SUCKS AND I KNOW IT. =PP
After that, we spent quite an amount of time debating on where to eat. The famous quote of EVERY single posse of friends during an outing. WHAT TO EAT????? Then there will be a chorus of 'I dunno' and 'anything' or 'i'm fine with anything'. XDD But then, we decided to eat Seoul Garden. In other words, we had steamboat and BBQ. We amused ourselves by barbeque-ing prawns marinated in raw eggs and chilli sauce. Trust me. It. Was. Scrumptious. We took almost all the prawns provided by the restaurant and the workers there got suspicious of us. They came over to our table and scrutinized everything. Like we don't know why did they come over for. LOL.
"Oh I'm Form 5 this year."
"Really? That means you'll be sitting for SPM this year. Study hard and good luck in your examinations."
Right? First thing that comes to mind when you tell people you're 17, it'll be SPM.
Ok then what about the second thing?
"Ah. 17? Means you'll be going for National Service next year."
Around August or September, there were rumours flying around that the official list for National Service is out. Me, using a really calm expression but when in reality there was an ice cold feeling in my heart and alarm bells ringing warningly inside my head, went CRAZY trying to find out if i was listed. After so many heart alarming moments where I have to wait to break inside the stupid official website which is soooooo jam due to the current situation, i found out that I WAS NOT LISTED.
YAY! I AM NOT LISTED! I DON'T HAVE TO GO!!!
Haha. You can't imagine my relieved feeling after I saw the MINTA MAAF message. It's like a huge boulder has been lifted off my shoulders and rays of sunlight shone and melted my ice freeze-ed heart. Okay that was a bad description. But you get my idea, right? I mean, if i really WAS LISTED, which I am not, might i add again, I'll go. But of course, I could always hope to get not listed right?
Anyway, the point is, i am not listed but my friends are. So yesterday I went out with my friends who were listed for a sort of farewell outing. It was super fun and I enjoyed every moment of it. We had a CRAZY karaoke session where i mumbled along with my friends during the Mandarin songs when i dun even know the tune. And when they passed the microphone to me, I sang and stopped every single time i come across a character i dunno, or i'll just mumble again and kinda, glide through that particular character. Which, in turn, caused them to roar with laughter. XDD MY CHINESE SUCKS AND I KNOW IT. =PP
After that, we spent quite an amount of time debating on where to eat. The famous quote of EVERY single posse of friends during an outing. WHAT TO EAT????? Then there will be a chorus of 'I dunno' and 'anything' or 'i'm fine with anything'. XDD But then, we decided to eat Seoul Garden. In other words, we had steamboat and BBQ. We amused ourselves by barbeque-ing prawns marinated in raw eggs and chilli sauce. Trust me. It. Was. Scrumptious. We took almost all the prawns provided by the restaurant and the workers there got suspicious of us. They came over to our table and scrutinized everything. Like we don't know why did they come over for. LOL.
Gao Li Dai~
Ah Peng and Soo Yee~ Ah Peng is sneaking a glance at someone~ XDD
All our hands~ XDD
I know it looks kinda gross but seriously its nice~
So you dip them in the eggs first~
Then you dip them in the sauce~
Personally done by Pei Nee, Soo Yee, and Gao Li Dai~
And VOILA! ^^
I'll Always Remember You.
It. Is. Official. I AM A GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XDD
Haha. Yup. Who would've thought that me, ME, MOI, is now officially a high school graduate? To think that i used to sulk to myself since forever that i can't wait to graduate. But now when it's official, it gives you a rather weird feeling, doesn't it? One minute you're sitting on the ground crying your eyes out over a bruised knee or broken toy, but the next, you ain't a little kid any more and it's time to stand on your own two feet and march on with your life by making your own decisions that can literally shoot you to the top or whip the ground off your feet and pummel you down to hell. Ha.
Graduation, though, equals to goodbye.
A friend I've known for 11 years, a friend I've been close with since the first day I stepped into high school, a friend I've studied with, a friend I've performed with, a friend I've laughed with, a friend I've cried with, a friend I've fight and made up with, a friend I've danced with, a friend I've had a crush on, and so many friends that have touched my life with their magical invisible wand. Not only friends. Teachers, seniors and my juniors who have taught me so many things in life, they guided me through every rough tide and hold my hand through every stubborn storm. These wonderful beings will all now be stored up and kept away hidden and locked deep within the little tiny strands of nerves inside my brain, forever leaving printed footprints on my heart, and someday, just someday, when I've forgotten what life is suppose to be, I'll unlocked them and find myself within, just to remind myself that there used to be a someone who was loved, cherished and precious to people, and still is.
So even though we've all graduated and assume that we probably won't be seeing each other as often as we do or even ever, the important thing is that every little gesture, every little word, every little laugh and every little tears count. These are the ones that made us who we are, and these are the ones that kept us wide awake throughout the whole journey.
Pictures can't affect us as words do. But at least, they help us remember. =D
My Modern Mathematics and Physics teacher. If my Mod Maths scores an A, it'll definitely be thanks to him. And if you guys look closer, you can see that all the girls except me cried. xDD
Our class in our usual state~ NOISY AND MESSY~~~ XDD
Me and my Laopo~ sat beside together for 2 years and a bit more i think~ <3
My AWESOME best best best best best friend and ever faithful karaoke partner~ <3
This is ma first wife~ XDD
My usual gang since... Form 3??? XDD
You can't believe how much we wanted to do that to her~~~ Still do. Once in a while. :PP
Our house in school that we will never be seeing again~ T.T
I dunno. Or I dunno???? LALALALALALALA~~~~ :PP
I've known this friend here since I'm 7 and has been in the same school with him for 11 years~ xDD
Aww~~~ My little Power Ranger cousin~ XDD
Mei Mei~ <3
This friend here~ Hmm~ Has been in the same school for 11 years and classmates for 9 years? What a record. XDD
We RULED the school with our duets~ <3
NAI MA!!!!!! I annoyed the hell out of her with my non stop singing~ XDD
Our new headmistress, Pn. Goh~ ^^
My colleague for around 2 years~ XDD COLLEAGUE!!!!!!
Class photo~ CHEESE~~~ <3
He. Annoys the hell outta me. But is a smashing basketball player and got the Student of The Year Award. ^^
My class teacher from 2010 till 2011~ Did I mention that she happens to be a great storyteller? XDD
PENG!!!!!!!!!! XDD
So you see, so many different people affecting just one simple life. It's impossible to say goodbye to all of them, isn't it? Don't worry. Cuz goodbyes don't last forever. They're just something to look back to when we need something assuring to pull us back down to our feet.
To the wonderful beings in my life,
I'll always remember you. =)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)